Learning to Receive

Early Saturday morning I had the privilege of having a Spiritual Coaching session with a fellow classmate.  The process she took me through revealed to me something I thought I had dealt with a long time ago.  It reminded me that our biggest issues are revealed to use like layers of an onion, slowly revealing themselves to us a layer at a time.

I was raised to be INDEPENDENT.  I capitalize it because it was distilled in me in so many ways.  The bottom line is I wasn’t supposed to ask for help, I needed to learn how to do manage for myself.  In no way am I complaining about how I was raised.  This particular skill has been very useful.  Even when I got sick with Fibromyalgia in college, I didn’t give up - it wasn’t an option for me.  I had to prove I could be independent.  I even deliberately stayed away from dating until I could prove to myself that I could support myself.

The challenge I find myself with now, is that I can’t ask for help when I need it.  Being INDEPENDENT is great if you are stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere surviving by your wits alone.  However, that is not the situation I find myself in.  I live with my husband and we enjoy a great extended family and many friends. 

How do I go from being INDEPENDENT to independent and connected to my community?

I’ve been giving this a lot of thought over the past 2 days.  What I realized is that I don’t ask for help.  I get frustrated with the situation until someone offers to help me.  This strikes me as being passive-aggressive, which isn’t how I want to present myself.  Later on Saturday I had to go to a bookstore and decide to put my new found insight into practice.  Instead of wondering through the bookstore forever trying to find the section I was looking for, I went promptly to the help desk with every intention to ask for help in my search.  Instead what I said was “I am looking for x.”  I laughed at myself later because I realized I had made a statement of fact instead of a request for help.  My challenge is to learn to ask for help. 

I know how to ask for help, but why is it so difficult for me to put that into practice?  The realization is that I don’t want to be turned down.  I don’t want to be rejected.  When I ask for help I am being vulnerable in a way that I am not comfortable with.  I don’t want to appear weak or in need.  In essence, I don’t want to be human.  It is time to embrace my human nature.  I don’t know everything, but what I do know is this way of thinking no longer serves me.

If I want to continue to be of service to others, I need to learn how receive service from others.  A few years ago a friend said to me, “You are always there when we need you.  Give us the chance to be there for you.”  I had let myself forget that sometimes the best gift you can give, is letting someone else help.